DING! DING! DING!
Round #989374390: Christian versus Olli. Xtian-cusers versus Olli-getics.
FTL and JustaMann, you both are hilarious to read. Thank you!
Some thoughts, which others have echoed before me, most notably, I recall thunderkat, who, it seems, often says exactly what I'm thinking.
Olli setting boundaries with Rob. I really think this is the first time ever, where the need to understand, mutually, what each partner considers a reasonable boundary is being put to the test. I really don't think Olli or Christian know what the other considers a "reasonable boundary". Olli's boundaries, I feel, are much more joie de vivre, than, black/white Christian's , which is more conservative. They skimmed the surface with the food critic, but, like most of their little fights until now, making-up, apology, came way too soon (for my liking), than actually hashing out the issues. Christian confessed the next day, he "over-reacted".........did he? According to Olli's standard? How about Christian's own standard? What, then, is Christian's standard? Christian must acknowledge, and communicate that with Olli. They can't read each other's minds.
Rob is the first time, that the "problem" doesn't go away as soon as it began, thus, all this not talking it out, thoroughly, is catching up with them, and making a mess of things.
My bf is, in some ways, like Christian, most notably, anyone he gets "jealous" over, automatically are referred to, AND brought up, in random conversations to inquire how they're doing (sly way to ask,
was there contact?)...with the "idiot" or "that idiot" (even if he's never MET said idiot, to know if they're truly so). Thus, this usually is followed with me making a very elaborate story, including myself, the "idiot", and many scandalous, far-fetched sex acts (one involved a porcupine, and its needles). Of course, there's very real situations where, if both partners places themselves in the other's shoes, there's real hurt over jealousy, and those are not treated as jokes, but, talked about...openly. Thankfully, very, very rare, those things, as the relationship progresses (as you, by then,
know, quite well, what your partner considers the boundary lines on the sand to be, you don't have to guess!). But, yeah, to Olli, I can see how Christian's jealousy, by now, has reached the "boy who called wolf a few too many times" limit, which skews his perception of when to acknowledge Christian's "real" jealousy versus Christian-just-being-Christian. *insert Olli rolling his eyes*
Christian, if you notice, actually flirts with Olli, through "jealousy" too. There's playful jealousy amongst them. And, Olli actually entices Christian, to get Christian to flirt with him back, like that. The, "Hey! You're mine!" angle.
A few previous examples I remember:
- Rebecca waiting for Tristian and Helena to arrive, and Olli inquiring if Tristian is good-looking.
- Gregor's supposed failed attempt with the princess, and him moping around NL and abusing a lemon/lime(?), while Christian and Olli look on, and Olli says he can understand falling for royalty, as who doesn't wish for a knight to come and whisk him away, and Christian gives a little pseudo-jealous reaction. etc...
They BOTH need to have an honest talk, not about "being honest" with each other, after the facts, after the deeds, but, about each's expectations from the other, BEFORE, more stuff happens. In this way, Olli is not solely to blame for not "setting boundaries" with Rob, as, Olli's boundaries may be quite different than Christian's, and neither truly know what the other's boundaries are, for stuff that actually count.
Olli staying out late, and not calling, or coming home, well, um...that's kinda Ollish, to do. He did that the day before Christian's boxing match. Partly to piss Christian off, partly to vent his own frustration, and partly, because I really don't think Olli thought it as big of a deal as Christian perceived it. And, what did their talk achieve the next day? Conclusion: Christian is jealous, and Olli is inconsiderate. Err....great. So insightful! -.-
They very rarely talk to each other, about
why it matters. They talk about
what matters (with this notion, that if you "love" the other, there's no question of why it matters, as long as it matters to your loved one, that's it). I don't know, but, in relationships, that kind of feel-good fluffiness does jackall, as we're all bound by our egos. So, whatever "ideal" we have....crumbles, in certain instances, unless, we have solid justifications to fall back on - which has been previously discussed between the partners in a relationship. And, this is where answering the "why it matters" versus "what matters" becomes pivotal.
I've never really seen Christian and Olli have too many of those revelations, and forget them having those conversations WITH each other. Two notable instances (all coming from outside sources) were: (1) Judith explaining to Christian that Olli didn't fire him so he can just "flirt" with all the customers, (2) Lydia got it through Christian's head,
why Olli needed his support with NL, being the new owner of the business and all.
Thus, BOTH are at fault, in not truly understanding what each other's expectations of boundaries are.
Christian/Rebecca versus Olli/Rob - to me, motivation kind of counts.
Olli was hurt by Christian kissing Miriam, but, I don't think he really saw it as deep of a betrayal as Christian "a kiss is never just a kiss" would/does see, such things (again, different expectations of conduct/boundaries). Olli forgave Christian way more readily for his kiss with Miriam (because he knew Christian's head-space at the moment) than he did when later that day, finding Christian still boxing and jeopardizing his health.
Olli's motivation with the Rob kiss was, caught unawares, then pushed him away.
Christian's motivation with the Rebecca kiss was, caught unawares, and then pulled in, to get revenge on Olli. (and to "feel wanted" - but, we'll exclude this reasoning as it's presented for both sides, Olli feeling "neglected" and feeling wanted by Rob, and then, same, with Christian/Rebecca)
However...
Olli's hurt towards Christian, by that kiss with Rob, was the effect.
Christian's hurt towards Olli, with that kiss with Rebecca, was the cause.
As for Olli not telling Christian about his kiss with Rob, after Christian repeatedly inquired about it.....yeah, WRONG! It's lying. Like Christian tried to do with the Miriam kiss. But, someone, other than the confessor, spilled the beans in some way, and the confessor, then got cornered to come clean; back then Christian, this time, Olli.
Olli is being selfish - I think these recent turn of events are quite jarring for Christian because Olli very rarely gets *focused* on anything. He's more go-with-the-flow. The guy who never really had a dream of a career, etc. And, Olli's character is the type that, when, in those rare instances he DOES find something to "latch" on to, it's done with immense intensity. Christian, on the other hand, is the "slow and steady wins the race" type of character. He plans ahead, lays out the foundation, and goes towards his goal. Olli gets swept up in it.
His first notable dream, on his return to VL, was......Christian. And, Christian felt the brunt of that awesome intensity of Olli's, where Olli is tenacious and doesn't give up, come hell or high water. And, he can be pretty...um....snarky, bitchy (he's Olivia's cousin, afterall), in such pursuits. I remember quite a few moves he played on poor Coco.
Next big dream, getting NL. I was
at the speed Olli envisoned a hip lounge, tried to convince Charlie to do it for Sneiders', felt dejected when Charlie shut him down, overheard Gregor wanting to sell NL, got Charlie on board, and finally acquired NL - IT WAS LIKE WITHIN THE SPAN OF 1 or 2 days!!! [and here, again, we were not without a child-like/childish petulant "gotta-have, GOTTA HAVE, NOW!" Olli moments]
And, this is the third time we're seeing Olli set his sights (his intense sights) on something - and that's making NL a "hip club". And, again, we see the intensity, which often manifests as blinders to everything else around him, as he goes with fervor for his passion, everything else, kinda, be damned (intentional or not). And, sadly, one of those pivotal everything else, is Christian.
It's late, I'm tired, I hope I made some sense with that ^ stream of consciousness.