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Post by skylighter on Jan 13, 2009 9:42:16 GMT -5
*Sigh!* It's my turn.  Alright so let me man up and take the plate, haha that was funny (Yes I laugh at my own jokes) Alright so since i've been on this forum I've realized that a lot of people here have a lot in common even though we might range from about 15ish to somewhere around 40-55? Around there. I think that that is awesome. Enough of the babble. Okay so I have came out(I would say I'm bi, but I'm probably just saying that to not admit that I'm really gay, but who knows?) to a couple of my friends, 5-6, and they accept me, they are all girls though. So we and these group of friends, have this friend who is really cute, and sweet, and we just have a great time together. But, when he is near me, I get all tingly inside, and I don't know what to say, or if I should just blurt out, "SHUT UP! I LOVE YOU CAN'T YOU SAY THAT YOU IDIOT?" But if I do that, I don't know how he will react. I'm not even sure what his sexual orientation is. He might be straight, because well he has told me about past gf's he has had, and always talk about them, he might be bi, and swing both ways, or he might be gay, but I don't think he is, because a year ago one of my best friends asked him, and he said that he was into girls. Heartbreaking moment I know. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I can barely talk to him, my eyes drift into every which direction (If you catch my drift  ) and I got lost in those damn eyes. HELP? I mean I have lesbian friends and they are really nice, but i don't think i have any gay friends, but him, oh man everyime he calls my name, i know i can't ignore him. ------------ Family, thats another story. So no one in my families know that i'm bi/gay(whatever I am). However, my sister has asked me a couple of times, and of course i've denied it, stupid stupid me. But, I think she thinks that I'm interested in men. I've asked me mother what she would think if I was gay, and she said that she would be disappointed, or that her heart would break. I mean I love my mother, she's my everything, but that really hurt when she said that (we were watching brothers and sisters, and kevin and scotty(?) had kissed.) My father, oh boy that's a whole other chapter, I think that he would throw me out haha, not he would probably not accept me, i don't know, get really mad? Ahh the images.  For example, say we might be watchign a movie or a show, and there is a gay/lesbian couple they will say how they are gay and start up a conversation about the issue, and i will just break and die inside. It really does hurt. It's like a part of me is missing. But I don't feel like it is the right time to come out to them. I need assitance. If I were you I would just wait a bit until I don't have to stay home anymore. Better move to another city. I could understand why your parents make those lines about people being gay, but they don't mean it against you. They are just being casual dissing people they don't get. However things will get much better for you when you live alone and have many many new friends. My relationship with my mum actually turned better when we are apart (not because I am gay tho. I am straight girl). The same holds true about the guy you like. You are already quite sure he is straight, then it is time to move on and meet new people. You will have so better life later, just look ahead. |
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Jp
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"Well, back in my wild days I didn't really care if they were men or women." - Gregor Mann
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Post by Jp on Jan 13, 2009 23:44:51 GMT -5
*Sigh!* It's my turn. Alright so let me man up and take the plate, haha that was funny (Yes I laugh at my own jokes) Alright so since i've been on this forum I've realized that a lot of people here have a lot in common even though we might range from about 15ish to somewhere around 40-55? Around there. I think that that is awesome. Enough of the babble. Okay so I have came out(I would say I'm bi, but I'm probably just saying that to not admit that I'm really gay, but who knows?) to a couple of my friends, 5-6, and they accept me, they are all girls though. So we and these group of friends, have this friend who is really cute, and sweet, and we just have a great time together. But, when he is near me, I get all tingly inside, and I don't know what to say, or if I should just blurt out, "SHUT UP! I LOVE YOU CAN'T YOU SAY THAT YOU IDIOT?" But if I do that, I don't know how he will react. I'm not even sure what his sexual orientation is. He might be straight, because well he has told me about past gf's he has had, and always talk about them, he might be bi, and swing both ways, or he might be gay, but I don't think he is, because a year ago one of my best friends asked him, and he said that he was into girls. Heartbreaking moment I know. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I can barely talk to him, my eyes drift into every which direction (If you catch my drift ) and I got lost in those damn eyes. HELP? I mean I have lesbian friends and they are really nice, but i don't think i have any gay friends, but him, oh man everyime he calls my name, i know i can't ignore him. ------------ Family, thats another story. So no one in my families know that i'm bi/gay(whatever I am). However, my sister has asked me a couple of times, and of course i've denied it, stupid stupid me. But, I think she thinks that I'm interested in men. I've asked me mother what she would think if I was gay, and she said that she would be disappointed, or that her heart would break. I mean I love my mother, she's my everything, but that really hurt when she said that (we were watching brothers and sisters, and kevin and scotty(?) had kissed.) My father, oh boy that's a whole other chapter, I think that he would throw me out haha, not he would probably not accept me, i don't know, get really mad? Ahh the images. For example, say we might be watchign a movie or a show, and there is a gay/lesbian couple they will say how they are gay and start up a conversation about the issue, and i will just break and die inside. It really does hurt. It's like a part of me is missing. But I don't feel like it is the right time to come out to them. I need assitance. If I were you I would just wait a bit until I don't have to stay home anymore. Better move to another city. I could understand why your parents make those lines about people being gay, but they don't mean it against you. They are just being casual dissing people they don't get. However things will get much better for you when you live alone and have many many new friends. My relationship with my mum actually turned better when we are apart (not because I am gay tho. I am straight girl). The same holds true about the guy you like. You are already quite sure he is straight, then it is time to move on and meet new people. You will have so better life later, just look ahead. Thanks  Having many friends I have, so that's a plus always Haha The guy though... that's the thing, there's this thing about him. It's like he switchs around all of the time, like one minute he's straight and the next he's gay. Who knows? Today he wanted to kiss me, so I'm told/saw. It's just confusing. Thanks though. You helped a bit Anyone else have problems? Attention off of me please!! |
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Post by skylighter on Jan 14, 2009 8:13:01 GMT -5
If I were you I would just wait a bit until I don't have to stay home anymore. Better move to another city. I could understand why your parents make those lines about people being gay, but they don't mean it against you. They are just being casual dissing people they don't get. However things will get much better for you when you live alone and have many many new friends. My relationship with my mum actually turned better when we are apart (not because I am gay tho. I am straight girl). The same holds true about the guy you like. You are already quite sure he is straight, then it is time to move on and meet new people. You will have so better life later, just look ahead. Thanks Having many friends I have, so that's a plus always Haha The guy though... that's the thing, there's this thing about him. It's like he switchs around all of the time, like one minute he's straight and the next he's gay. Who knows? Today he wanted to kiss me, so I'm told/saw. It's just confusing. Thanks though. You helped a bit Anyone else have problems? Attention off of me please!! Just one more post on you... HE WANTED TO KISS YOU??!! Okay now I am confused too... Reminds me of Tony in Skins :-( |
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Jp
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"Well, back in my wild days I didn't really care if they were men or women." - Gregor Mann
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Post by Jp on Jan 14, 2009 22:46:16 GMT -5
Thanks Having many friends I have, so that's a plus always Haha The guy though... that's the thing, there's this thing about him. It's like he switchs around all of the time, like one minute he's straight and the next he's gay. Who knows? Today he wanted to kiss me, so I'm told/saw. It's just confusing. Thanks though. You helped a bit Anyone else have problems? Attention off of me please!! Just one more post on you... HE WANTED TO KISS YOU??!! Okay now I am confused too... Reminds me of Tony in Skins :-( Yeah I know, talk about confusion! |
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guest74
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Post by guest74 on Feb 11, 2009 1:31:17 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks |
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Post by Princess Ollian on Feb 11, 2009 9:12:58 GMT -5
If I were you I would just wait a bit until I don't have to stay home anymore. Better move to another city. I could understand why your parents make those lines about people being gay, but they don't mean it against you. They are just being casual dissing people they don't get. However things will get much better for you when you live alone and have many many new friends. My relationship with my mum actually turned better when we are apart (not because I am gay tho. I am straight girl). The same holds true about the guy you like. You are already quite sure he is straight, then it is time to move on and meet new people. You will have so better life later, just look ahead. Thanks Having many friends I have, so that's a plus always Haha The guy though... that's the thing, there's this thing about him. It's like he switchs around all of the time, like one minute he's straight and the next he's gay. Who knows? Today he wanted to kiss me, so I'm told/saw. It's just confusing. Thanks though. You helped a bit Anyone else have problems? Attention off of me please!! While this does sound like a particularly confusing situation, without obviously knowing the full details it would be very difficult to speculate. Possible suggestions are that he values you as a friend and is comfortable enough with you to joke about such things as being gay and kissing men/you in particular, or he is a bit confused about the fact that he is close to a gay man for the first time and is himself confused, or of course, he may actually be interested, or he may be an arsehole trying to mess with your head... As always, the best way to resolve the confusion: communication. You need to talk to him - I can't promise that you'll hear the answer you want, but at least you'll have an answer... And a quick tip from me to you: I personally find that these conversations are generally best after quite a large amount of beer. |
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Post by Princess Ollian on Feb 11, 2009 9:32:38 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks As I have my 'Dear Princess' hat on, I may as well continue: When I realised I was gay, I had neither been with a woman or a man, but had been dating exclusively women. In my opinion? The easiest way to work out what really attracts you? To be crass, which gender physically arouses you? When you entertain certain... thoughts, are they about men or women? I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be going through the confusion of realising that you might be bisexual or gay later in life and I do consider myself incredibly lucky that I went through it in my teens. If any members here are confused and would like someone to talk to, then I know plenty of people here are happy to lend an ear... We're all very nice and don't bite...
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neand48
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Post by neand48 on Feb 11, 2009 20:38:13 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks Why on earth would you think of your question as stupid? I hope you don't mind, but: What brought this up? You could be hetero curious, bi, maybe gay... who knows. JF |
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guest74
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Post by guest74 on Feb 11, 2009 21:04:23 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks As I have my 'Dear Princess' hat on, I may as well continue: When I realised I was gay, I had neither been with a woman or a man, but had been dating exclusively women. In my opinion? The easiest way to work out what really attracts you? To be crass, which gender physically arouses you? When you entertain certain... thoughts, are they about men or women? I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be going through the confusion of realising that you might be bisexual or gay later in life and I do consider myself incredibly lucky that I went through it in my teens. If any members here are confused and would like someone to talk to, then I know plenty of people here are happy to lend an ear... We're all very nice and don't bite... LOL! You mean She-Ra's sword... (in regards to your princess hat)  You know, I would say there is I like both but there is something naughty about thinking of men.. -_- |
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guest74
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Post by guest74 on Feb 11, 2009 21:07:00 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks Why on earth would you think of your question as stupid? I hope you don't mind, but: What brought this up? You could be hetero curious, bi, maybe gay... who knows. JF I don't know, I might be just embarrassed.... :/ I think what brought this up is the fascination of the Ollie and Christain storyline... I don't know what that makes me..  |
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Post by Princess Ollian on Feb 12, 2009 2:56:05 GMT -5
As I have my 'Dear Princess' hat on, I may as well continue: When I realised I was gay, I had neither been with a woman or a man, but had been dating exclusively women. In my opinion? The easiest way to work out what really attracts you? To be crass, which gender physically arouses you? When you entertain certain... thoughts, are they about men or women? I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be going through the confusion of realising that you might be bisexual or gay later in life and I do consider myself incredibly lucky that I went through it in my teens. If any members here are confused and would like someone to talk to, then I know plenty of people here are happy to lend an ear... We're all very nice and don't bite... LOL! You mean She-Ra's sword... (in regards to your princess hat) You know, I would say there is I like both but there is something naughty about thinking of men.. -_- Maybe you have an itch that needs scratching...? Some people do get off on doing things that are seen as a bit 'out there' or wroooooooong by other people. Lol!! It may shock people to know that before I was all settled down with the pseudo-husband, cat, pipe and slippers (at 25yrs old!!), I was a bit of a hellraiser myself... SHOCKING TXT: I prescribe a threesome with a bi boy and a slutty girl as the next stage of your experimenting if you wish to continue...? Only read above if you aren't easily shocked - or don;t want to still view me as a sweet and innocent darling moderator...  |
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Post by Princess Ollian on Feb 12, 2009 2:59:26 GMT -5
Why on earth would you think of your question as stupid? I hope you don't mind, but: What brought this up? You could be hetero curious, bi, maybe gay... who knows. JF I don't know, I might be just embarrassed.... :/ I think what brought this up is the fascination of the Ollie and Christain storyline... I don't know what that makes me.. Sweetie, you are still just you. You just happen to have found something new that is piqueing your interest. Don't feel the need to label yourself, plenty of other people out there will try and do that...  |
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Post by lolaruns on Feb 12, 2009 5:06:39 GMT -5
I can only say that as a rule women don't necessarily have a problem considering themselves straight even though they like watching gay and lesbian stories. So it doesn't have to mean anything just because you like one story. I guess the easiest way would be to search more? Whether women really turn you on, whether solo men turn you on (maybe watch some girl on girl, since I know that some people mentioned in the AfterElton topic on the subject that before they were out to themselves they had a way of blending out the women while watching straight scenes without even realizing it, watch some seancody type solo guys). I can't speak for guys, but I think it should theoretically be possible to be drawn to a story like the Ollian story or Brokeback Mountain for other reasons than just sex. I remember a story of a guy who wrote fanfiction in the Supernatural fandom, considered himself straight and occasional wrote something with guy/guy leanings because he saw it was popular and perceived it as fitting into the mythology of the show. As a woman, I find stories like Ollian or Brokeback Mountain fascinating on a intellectual level too because in a way they include some on the side explorations of what masculinity is. I also rather enjoyed this documentary where various straight guys talk about the various runins they had with homosexuality in their lives. Or you could be bi or very latent bi. Dependant on how big it is in your mind it might be worth exploring it more (whether through movies to see what you really like, or meeting somebody in real life maybe even just to talk to just to see what works). But now I'm gonna shut up and sneak out of this topic, since I can't really talk much about male sexuality and male mindframes on account of not having much first hand experiences. |
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Post by husky14620 on Feb 12, 2009 11:17:14 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks I don't usually spend a lot of time in this forum, so I am glad Lolaruns cross linked this over in VL. (Thanks Lola!) I knew I was different in kindergarten or first grade, maybe even earlier. When I found out there were differences between boys and girls, down there, I was definitely more into checking out the boys than the girls. Long before I knew what f*g**t meant, my "peers were calling me that. In eighth grade, I started to put two and two together. I came "out" in my junior year, in a very foolish and overly dramatic way. How can you tell for sure? When you look at erotic pictures, do you focus more on the man, the woman, or about equally? When you watch VL, do you get "tingling" feelings from the scenes where Christian and Oliver have close physical contact? Does the thought of a man holding you tight, running his hand down your torso make you shiver, in a good way? Does the thought of a woman doing that evoke a similar feeling? Have you been having feelings like these for a while, but didn't want to acknowledge them? Or fought them, because, until now, you hadn't seen a deep, loving portrayal? aside:(No, Brokeback was not a deep loving portrayal, it was filled with self-loathing and denial, but it was still a good movie for other reasons. And Olli isn't always the best portrayal, obsessive, overly dramatic prior to Christian coming out. He could almost be considered a predator by some.) You probably already know the answer to your question. And only you know if you are physically and emotionally attracted to other men. And you don't have to share that with anyone else unless and until you are comfortable doing so. Just know that there are a lot of us out here who will help you in any way we can, because most of us have been there, in one way or another. |
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Post by husky14620 on Feb 12, 2009 11:30:03 GMT -5
I don't know, I might be just embarrassed.... :/ I think what brought this up is the fascination of the Ollie and Christain storyline... I don't know what that makes me.. You obviously don't have to answer this, but what brought you to Christian and Oliver? How did you find the story? If you want to discuss it privately instead of in the forums, you can PM anyone by clicking their hanlde in one of the message headers, then click Private Message. Just in case you might be embarrassed by anything. I'm sure anyone you have been chatting with here will respond in kind in private as well. |
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nrw
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Post by nrw on Feb 12, 2009 14:34:57 GMT -5
I'd like to confirm, that husky14620 pointed out the indications of being gay perfectly. I couldn't explain it better. Just let me add this regarding VL (Verbotene Liebe): To me one of the most erotic scenes of Chris and Olli was that one, where Olli pulled the belt from (shirtless) Christian's jeans asking if he could help him to undress. On the other hand, Gregor definitely doesn't have the slightest erotic attraction to me (contrary to all the women here in this board, who consider him as being very attractive). I guess maybe his "macho" behavior bothers me too much, or he simply isn't my type of guy. BTW: There aren't that many men in the cast of VL that are really giving vibes to me, and all of the women aren't doing that, of course. |
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Post by lugia on Feb 12, 2009 16:35:29 GMT -5
I can only say that as a rule women don't necessarily have a problem considering themselves straight even though they like watching gay and lesbian stories. I've read that the happier women are in their straight relationship, the more they will focus on what other women look like. I guess it's related to that shopping obsession and to look the best you can, just for yourself. Also, that in good economy the skirts are getting shorter. I'm trying to say that women look at other women a lot and judge them pretty intensely (positive and negative). Personally, I never know when I look at other women whether I'm doing that, trying to find out what makes them so appealing to rip it off for myself, or whether I'm sexually attracted to them. The lines blur easily. I've also read that the key is whether you're emotionally attracted to the same sex. I don't feel that with women or at least not as often and as intensely as with men. I agree. It might just represent something you really value. Like the typical chick flicks. Doesn't mean that that will have an impact on how you live your real life. It may just be escapism like feeling giddy and fulfilled when you read a good novel. I know that the guy who plays Gaeta on Battlestar Galactica obsessively reads gay fanfiction and that it arouses him, but he has a girlfriend. The fiction/TV may just really effectively portray attraction in general or exploit the chemistry between the actors and that's why it feels hot in a universal way. The emotions people feel are the same, no matter what provokes them, and a good story (no matter the topic) will have a similar effect on everyone. If the right story comes along, you're suddenly interested in things you never were before. I actually disliked gay fanfiction until I came across a couple that clicked for me and I've been drawn to it ever since. I just needed the emotional undercurrent to support the action and then it was as fulfilling, if not more, as shipping het couples. |
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Post by lolaruns on Feb 12, 2009 16:46:53 GMT -5
The thing is, that might be women though. Doesn't mean that men might not overwhelmingly be wired a different way, so what holds true for women might not hold true for men. I thought that one entry in the "Do gay men like lesbian porn" post was pretty fascinating about how some studies suggest that women are more triggered the motion for lack of a better word, than it depending on who is doing it (gay couple, straight couple, animals), but that the same is not true for men. Anyway, I think it boils down to what makes one happy. Like the story of the actor with the girlfriend sounds strange to me, but on the other hand, why should it necessarily be so different than a boyfriend making a girlfriend wear certain shoes or lingeries in the bedroom. If he thinks the sex is satisfying, more power to him. Kinda reminds me of all the lesbians who claim to enjoy gay porn. [besides, wouldn't he be rare anyway to get kicks from written porn as opposed to visual porn? Not that I haven't met guys like that in real life; are we sure that the kick isn't from reading it to his gf? I know of some straight guys who were fascinated by women liking slash because from their POV it was just fascinating to see women having such a complex sex/fantasy life when most women they had met in real life and talked about had always acted like they didn't have one] But before I go into a lenghty rambling about sexual attraction vs. emotional attraction and the combination of the two (plenty of lesbians who say they are either sexually attracted to men, but not emotionally or emotionally, but not sexually and consider themselves lesbians because with a women they get both, emotionally and physically attracted), I think I'm gonna withdraw and leave it to the men to give advice in this case. But Lugia, you might enjoy the "Why do women like it" topic in the general section, maybe we could continue there |
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Post by sheepiefarm on Feb 12, 2009 20:05:17 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks It’s not a stupid question but really quite a valid one – although it may well produce a number of different responses. Primarily it all boils down to labels and how you want to see yourself. Some people find it easier to have an identity to relate to – it gives them a “niche”, a place of safety or of belonging, whilst others find “labelling” themselves as too restrictive and don’t feel comfortable with being “categorised”. I have known a number of men who quite regularly have sex with other guys but don’t see themselves as being “gay”. Some are in denial, some are frightened / ashamed by it and there are some who simply don’t relate to the term & what it stands for. For some, the realisation of being gay has manifested itself out of their understanding of their own sexual preferences – i.e. their physical attraction, need, lust, want ( call it what you like) for other men. Sometimes that is simply enough for them to be comfortable with calling themselves gay. Others can take a more emotional route – i.e. they find themselves emotionally attracted to the love of other men. Whilst physical attraction is the more instant / basic indicator an individual might have with regards to their sexuality, it is also the most easily dismissed / excused. Many guys can have sexual liaisons with other guys without any real emotional attachment involved, therefore the need to question / ponder the meaning or motive behind it is less crucial. Finding yourself with ( or wanting) an emotional attachment to another guy has a much bigger impact on your psyche and, therefore, likely to make you think a lot more in depth about who you are, what you want from your life and ( maybe more importantly) how others will see you. Having labels and categories can sometimes make it easier to give ourselves an identity in a world where you may be the visible minority. I have only ever had one ( rather uninspired) sexual experience with a guy many years ago, however it does not detract from the understanding of myself as being gay. To my mind it is not the “experiencing” that determines how you see yourself, but more the motivation / desire that leads you to the “experience”, and then subsequently, how you feel / react within yourself afterwards. For me, the ultimate goal / fantasy / dream / let me experience it before I die aspiration is, not just to be in love with a guy but also to be loved in return by that same guy. This determines for me ( without a doubt) that I can call myself gay and associate myself with all that it means. In short, while I could probably have love for a woman – I could never be “in love” with a woman. Guest74 – no-one can really answer the question except yourself. You may be at a point in your life where you are questioning certain things – all I would say is – Keep an open mind Identify yourself in whichever way you feel most comfortable Do whatever you feel is right for you. My apologies for rambling on I hope it helps in some small way. Take care - sheepie |
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guest74
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Post by guest74 on Feb 12, 2009 20:09:59 GMT -5
Thank you all for your trying to help me! I just want to say it is very much appreciated... I will be honest here, it scares me half to death that I am posting here. I was married to a woman and divorced because she cheated almost 6 years ago. Since then i only have dated once in a while, and it never went there. I have had a hard time with this because of a couple of factors 1. My parents/family are very oldfashioned and macho, I was considered the funny one and never really picked on at all. 2. I get along with a lot of people but get embarraessed when asked how come i am not married/have a girlfriend. 3. I got offended when people imply or ask if i am gay ( no offense, just a defensive reaction for myself) 4. I was taught that gays act a certain way and now i see that totally isn't the case. ugh ....whatever...lol! 5. I was always curious about it, and before seeing to men kiss would wierd me out and now i think i am turned on by it. So, i guess I answered my own quesiton there.. You guys are soo awesome, thanks for your repsonses. I still wonder if i am or not.. It helps me alot.. i don't know what will come of this.. hopefully happiness. |
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Post by sheepiefarm on Feb 12, 2009 20:22:41 GMT -5
guest74... ...for points 1,2 & 4 - join the club! me too ;D for point 3 - nobody has actually ever asked me  for point 5 - the first time I was ever in a gay club and saw two guys kissing - I was so fascinated by it I couldn't take my eyes off them. 
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guest74
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Post by guest74 on Feb 12, 2009 20:26:53 GMT -5
guest74... ...for points 1,2 & 4 - join the club! me too ;D for point 3 - nobody has actually ever asked me for point 5 - the first time I was ever in a gay club and saw two guys kissing - I was so fascinated by it I couldn't take my eyes off them. lol!!! I just got winded reading your response..lol I have NEVER been to a gay club... I would be so scared to go, just cause I don't want to be judged..lol But it would be an adventure..lol |
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Post by psionycx on Feb 12, 2009 23:43:11 GMT -5
Sorry, this might be a stupid question.... How do you realy know if you are gay without having any "Gay" experiences. I mean, you know.. never being with a man, only with women? I mean.. How do you really know for sure.... Sorry if this is a stupid question. Thanks The only stupid questions are those to which the questioner should already know the answer. This is not one of those cases. But, at the risk of being annoying and answering a question with another question, how does someone who has not yet had any sexual experiences know that they are straight? This is not a trick question by the way. The reality is that what people call themselves and what they actually are may be two very different things. It is absolutely true that it may be difficult for someone to answer the question until and unless they have a frame of reference in which to do so. For background purposes, I am a Kinsey 6. Which is to say I am a full-blown homo. Getting to the realization of this fact was not a short process however. There were essentially no positive depictions of homosexuality or gay life that I was exposed to as a kid. So as I entered adolescence and my sexuality began to kick in I had no way to put into context. Being gay was "bad" and feeling attracted to other guys was not something I was supposed to feel. It was very clear to me from my surrounding environment that I was supposed to be interested in girls. Consequently it became more of a symbolic ideal to me. I wanted to be attracted to girls because to be straight was to be "normal", perhaps even "cool". I would certainly not have admitted to anyone what I was really feeling, and would have vehemently insisted to anyone who asked that I was 100% straight. In addition, I took great pains to avoid doing anything that might suggest otherwise, including even avoiding looking at other guys changing in the locker room. Eventually it does start to weigh on the soul though. Wanting to be something and actually being it are two different things. The reality was that I wasn't at all attracted to girls. I hung around with many of them, and even went on "dates". But if at all possible I avoided doing anything sexual with them because it didn't feel right to me. Getting to accept that I was gay took some time. I had to acknowledge to myself that what I really wanted was to be with another guy. Then I had to actually find a guy and put it to the test. I won't go into my misadventures in that phase of my life. The point of my ramblings is that self-acceptance of bisexuality or homosexuality typically requires a little extra effort. Society enforces heterosexuality as a default standard which everyone is raised to expect themselves to be. If, in fact, one actually is a heterosexual then little to no effort is required. Society's expectation and reality are in alignment and nothing else need be done. Homosexuals have to come to terms with their reality being opposite the expectation that we were raised to. This often involves coping with conflicts related to notions of gender roles and identity and what relationships are supposed to be. Bisexuals have it even harder I suspect. Their reality encompasses both sides, which is not easy in our society, which prefers clearly delineated either/or statements of identity in most areas, especially sexual ones. Now, to some extent this is rather clinical. The entire concept of sexual orientation didn't even exist until the 19th century when the budding new science of psychology was frantically trying to tag a name to every aspect of the human condition. Sexual matters were especially popular and I remember one wag once commenting about this period: " They were coming up with new sexual disorders faster than people could actually suffer from them!" Certainly a growing attitude that one sees, especially in Europe these days, is one where an individual doesn't bother to try and define their own sexual orientation. Rather they simply pursue relationships with people to whom they feel an attraction. This is often called a "post-Gay" philosophy but really it's just one of letting the reality answer the question, rather than trying to answer the question first and then align the reality with that answer. This has more than a little merit. I do think that a lot of people nowadays, especially teenagers, spend altogether too much time worrying about giving it a name. It's perhaps more appropriate to give it a name later on. If a guy feels attracted to other guys, or to a specific guy then maybe they are gay or bi. If they feel like they have to force themselves to experience attraction to women, even if they want to be attracted to them, then they are very probably not straight, but rather gay. On the other hand, if they do feel attraction to women, but also to men, then they are likely bi. If they feel exclusive attraction to women and no desire towards other men then they are indeed straight. The feeling itself is the determinant here. After all, even people who haven't had sex may still have a sexual orientation. A straight guy that hasn't had sex yet isn't sexually ambiguous, just sexually inactive. It's who they feel attracted to that really answers the question. Is this making any sense, or am I being overly pedantic? |
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guest74
New Member
Single and ready to mingle
Posts: 16
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Post by guest74 on Feb 13, 2009 0:04:08 GMT -5
LOL! You mean She-Ra's sword... (in regards to your princess hat) You know, I would say there is I like both but there is something naughty about thinking of men.. -_- Maybe you have an itch that needs scratching...? Some people do get off on doing things that are seen as a bit 'out there' or wroooooooong by other people. Lol!! It may shock people to know that before I was all settled down with the pseudo-husband, cat, pipe and slippers (at 25yrs old!!), I was a bit of a hellraiser myself... SHOCKING TXT: I prescribe a threesome with a bi boy and a slutty girl as the next stage of your experimenting if you wish to continue...? Only read above if you aren't easily shocked - or don;t want to still view me as a sweet and innocent darling moderator... Thanks, you seem sweet and innocent... but a little naughty... LOL! I don't know any bi boys but i know slutty girls...lol |
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Post by husky14620 on Feb 13, 2009 0:04:16 GMT -5
Thank you all for your trying to help me! I just want to say it is very much appreciated... I will be honest here, it scares me half to death that I am posting here. I was married to a woman and divorced because she cheated almost 6 years ago. Since then i only have dated once in a while, and it never went there. I have had a hard time with this because of a couple of factors 1. My parents/family are very oldfashioned and macho, I was considered the funny one and never really picked on at all. 2. I get along with a lot of people but get embarraessed when asked how come i am not married/have a girlfriend. 3. I got offended when people imply or ask if i am gay ( no offense, just a defensive reaction for myself) 4. I was taught that gays act a certain way and now i see that totally isn't the case. ugh ....whatever...lol! 5. I was always curious about it, and before seeing to men kiss would wierd me out and now i think i am turned on by it. So, i guess I answered my own quesiton there.. You guys are soo awesome, thanks for your repsonses. I still wonder if i am or not.. It helps me alot.. i don't know what will come of this.. hopefully happiness. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but my years of experience with life suggest to me that your issue may be more about your ex-wife and the hurt she caused than about your sexuality. Unless you were always "curious" or had very weak physical need with your ex, I doubt that you are "gay", or even bi. BUT, if you contact your local Gay and Lesbian (or Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgender, Queer) community center, they will have counselors and trained professionals to help you sort out any unresolved issues. And most have services that are free or low cost. May you start to find happiness in your life, where-ever you choose to look for it. |
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) and I got lost in those damn eyes. HELP?
