Gay dating/relationships

[lolaruns]

I've been wondering, is there anything a straight female friend can do to fix up her gay pal who has been whining to her constantly about how long it has been since the last time he had sex? (and who then proceeds to whine to her about how the guys in gay bars and in internet chatrooms just want sex when he really wants a relationship)

I'm guessing my options are somewhat limited (and all those "I'll try to set up all the few gay guys I know with each other" maneuvres always end up rather cringeworthy).

So I guess I just pat his hand and keep telling him that he is beautiful and successful and will definitely find true love?

[elrohir525]

How about a "Lola's Computer Dating Service for Single Gay Men" thread? ;D

[lolaruns]

Whenever I'm feeling mean I tell him, if he only were straight all he would have to do would be to go on the prowl with a t-shirt saying "I'm a doctor".

[mgh48]

heh.

I think he really wants a long-term relationship. This is a struggle I went through myself recently (after 11 years purposefully removed from the scene). I'd suggest an online service (free---but there are pay sites as well) where you can casually meet people and get to know them before meeting. Of course, be very careful.

That's how I met someone recently. The first meeting was, of course, awkward. He's a nice guy, but so far, my complete opposite on certain key issues. On other issues, we have the same tastes (like music and politics and religion). I'm not quite certain if this is going to work, yet!

I've a new platonic Gay friend and he advises: just enjoy the good feeling you are having for now and see if what you dislike changes. If it doesn't, then you can move on, etc.

For your friend, just tell him to take it slowly and stick to his standards. I believe there's a ghost of a chance to find someone to love (RUSH).

;D

Geoff

[lolaruns]

I think what pains him the most is that he keeps getting obvious offers from women who don't realize he is gay and want to date him. So it's not that he is not popular, it's just he attracts the wrong target audience ;D

But good to hear that about online services. I have heard good things about those in regards to male/female couples meeting there, so good to hear that it's the same for gay couples.

[mgh48]

Jun 3, 2008 11:32:11 GMT -5 lolaruns said:

I think what pains him the most is that he keeps getting obvious offers from women who don't realize he is gay and want to date him. So it's not that he is not popular, it's just he attracts the wrong target audience ;D

But good to hear that about online services. I have heard good things about those in regards to male/female couples meeting there, so good to hear that it's the same for gay couples.

Yikes!

Yes, I know how he feels. That's the most awkward, annoying thing to have to go through. Not bragging, but all my life I've had to deal with women coming on to me in this manner---even when they KNOW I'm gay.



Highschool was a nightmare for me.

Geoff

[apollux]

Lola, have you tried going WITH him to animated gay bars or disco clubs? If anything you both will have a good time dancing and joking. If you could enlist more friends for the party expedition the better.

[babylondancer]

Just make sure that he's really looking for a boyfriend before you start setting him up.

I always have the problem that people don't believe me when I'm telling them that I am NOT looking for someone. I'm more then happy about being alone. I can't stand people around me all the time, especially not a partner. But I always meet people who don't believe me and think that everybody needs a significant other, and then they're trying to play the matchmaker.
Even worse is that as soon as there's 2 gays in the room people always believe that we must bind. But just because we're both gay doesn't necessarily mean we have anything else in common.

When I've been living in France for the first time, being 25 years old and all alone, I got all the time dinner invitations from people who believed that a man alone isn't able to cook for himself. That's exactly the same situation. lol

[lolaruns]

Just make sure that he's really looking for a boyfriend before you start setting him up.

Well, unlesss all those times when he complained to me that he doesn't have a boyfriend and how sick he is of being single and how worthless he feels being single were an elaborate exercise in reverse psychology... [in his defense, he was kind of drunk at the time]

So, in your experience, how about gay pride parades as a place to make contacts with potential suitors? Good place or bad place for that?

I always tell him too bad you are gay, if you were straight my advice would be to just go to a place where women hang out wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm a doctor". I suppose that wouldn't work as well when looking for a guy? ;D

[babylondancer]

Jun 16, 2008 8:00:38 GMT -5 lolaruns said:

So, in your experience, how about gay pride parades as a place to make contacts with potential suitors? Good place or bad place for that?

I'd say a CSD is good to find a f'ck buddy, but the organisation comitee might be a good place to find a partner. And they're always looking for volunteers.

As for the doctors. Are women today still looking for men to support them? Don't you think that most of them are capable to support themselves?
Well, there's still the cliché of the rich older gay and the young supported houseboy, but most of the gay relationships I know are more equally paired guys.
But I have to admit that I've been a kept guy for a while. As you can see, it didn't really work out.

[lolaruns]

Well, I don't think he is quite old enough for a kept boy. I think it will be a couple of years before he makes real big money as a doctor ;D

I don't think that women are explicitly for it anymore, but it certainly is a nice bonus. Besides, it gives you an instant pick up line with "I've been having this problem with..." or "I have this uncle who has this chest pain..." ;D

Besides, it's usually a character question. Doctor means that you are educated, that you are reliable enough to have made it through college, etc... Besides, though I personally think it's undeserved, med students have a relatively good reputation (compared to economist who might have a reputation of being superficial money grubbing Republicans, literature students of being future losers, tech students of being somewhat socially inept). Though of course in my mind the reputation of med students is usually fun quirky people who sleep around a lot. Of course, your mileage may vary. And it's amplified if you live in a town where there is pretty much one university for any of these strands and it's often more a question a the university having a certain reputation rather than it meaning that anybody interested in this strand, all over the world being like that.

[apollux]

Everybody is different, but when it comes to dating I try to keep away from doctors or any other career that demands 100% of your time.

Why?, because I´m in one of those careers and making time to be with my BF is QUITE A CHALLENGE... we live 10 minutes apart a can go weeks without seen each other because I´m too busy (I´m not exaggerating, I've spent weeks without any sleep at all to meet a deadline).

Tried dating a few doctors in the past, and between his career and mine things where not working at all.

[bugchicklv]

Jun 4, 2008 1:14:16 GMT -5 apollux said:

Lola, have you tried going WITH him to animated gay bars or disco clubs? If anything you both will have a good time dancing and joking. If you could enlist more friends for the party expedition the better.

OMG, yes! I've never had more fun than the times I've tagged along as the token "fish" and if you have any straight guy friends that aren't freaked out by being in a gay club or by being hit on by gay men, then take them too.

It's been a while but the last BIG outing a group of us went on, EVERYONE either got laid or made a date for another night...including the straight guys who were really savvy (and SMART, cause I'd have never thought of it) who managed to pick up some other single hags.